Jam is a god.

He takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, competent goblin.

Jam created an up quark five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Jam, he will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Jam, he will laugh at you.

Jam's most sacred site is Utti in Finland.

Jam's Holy Commandments

1. Paint representations of stars on the walls of your dwelling place in mauve.

2. Do not fashion models of living things.

3. Manatees are unholy and should not be approached.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Never talk about solid mechanics near capybaras while wearing yellow jumpers and balancing eight copper spheres on your head.