Jarnhomxuc is a god.

She takes the form of a slender, irritating chinchilla.

Jarnhomxuc created the Andromeda Galaxy nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Jarnhomxuc, she will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Jarnhomxuc, she will hide angry queen hornets in your dwelling place.

Jarnhomxuc's most sacred site is Poloka in Botswana.

Jarnhomxuc's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Never paint your back gray.

3. Never feed lots of pineapples to frogs while wearing brown jumpers.

4. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Never write about chromosomes.