Narlmidfet is a god.

She takes the form of an enormous, irritating newt.

Narlmidfet created vertebrates nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Narlmidfet, she will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Narlmidfet, she will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Narlmidfet's most sacred site is Edenryd in Sweden.

Narlmidfet's Holy Commandments

1. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Narlmidfet.

2. Never write about solid mechanics.

3. Narlmidfet loves ants, so they must be respected.

4. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

5. Always wear brown.