Lapbossmet is a god.

It takes the form of a galaxy-sized, annoying unicorn.

Lapbossmet created the planet Earth nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Lapbossmet, it will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Lapbossmet, it will turn you into a sheep.

Lapbossmet's most sacred site is Paavola in Finland.

Lapbossmet's Holy Commandments

1. Run away if nine mice approach from the west.

2. Never eat turnips.

3. Always make a point of helping unfortunate bats.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

5. Put Lapbossmet first in all things.