Lagsakquim is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly large, cheerful whale.

Lagsakquim created time and space three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Lagsakquim, he will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Lagsakquim, he will strike you with lightening.

Lagsakquim's most sacred site is Ringford in Scotland.

Lagsakquim's Holy Commandments

1. Paint representations of stars on the walls of your dwelling place.

2. Nematodes are not to be trusted.

3. Always make sure there are no ants in a building before entering it.

4. Do not eat parsnips.

5. Do not commit murder.