Talpogragbon Afhenkad is a god.

It takes the form of a rotund, amazing seal.

Talpogragbon Afhenkad created the Sombrero Galaxy seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Talpogragbon Afhenkad, it will be happy.

If you do not believe in Talpogragbon Afhenkad, it will cry a lot.

Talpogragbon Afhenkad's most sacred site is Dzhanka in Bulgaria.

Talpogragbon Afhenkad's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

2. Do not bounce in public.

3. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

4. Retreat if nine snakes approach from the north.

5. Never play with disobedient children.