Fotflamhap is a god.

He takes the form of a slender, selfish dugong.

Fotflamhap created the Sol system eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Fotflamhap, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Fotflamhap, he will turn you into a small brown duck.

Fotflamhap's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Fotflamhap's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

2. Do not kill sheep.

3. Never think about optics near horses while wearing yellow skirts and balancing six lead spheres on your hands.

4. Always stare at clouds.

5. Always take life seriously.