Veenweepig is a god.

It takes the form of a five thousand metre long, clever tortoise.

Veenweepig created a top quark six million years ago.

If you believe in Veenweepig, it will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Veenweepig, it will attempt to scare you with floods.

Veenweepig's most sacred site is Qangwa in Botswana.

Veenweepig's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about fire.

2. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

3. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

4. Learn three new languages a year.

5. Never think about dark matter near frogs while wearing gray corsets and balancing nine aluminium spheres on your face.