Kembastlik is a god.

He takes the form of a blubbery, boastful chicken.

Kembastlik created a photon seven million years ago.

If you believe in Kembastlik, he will approve.

If you do not believe in Kembastlik, he will attempt to scare you with earthquakes.

Kembastlik's most sacred site is Uruachi in Mexico.

Kembastlik's Holy Commandments

1. Pray towards the south.

2. Always make sure there are no geese in a room before entering it.

3. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

4. Never look at stars.

5. You must pray to Kembastlik four times a day.