Tarlakquill is a god.

She takes the form of a three thousand metre long, charitable hydra.

Tarlakquill created the Cigar Galaxy nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Tarlakquill, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Tarlakquill, she will send minions to preach to you.

Tarlakquill's most sacred site is Katteri in India.

Tarlakquill's Holy Commandments

1. Feed all hungry voles.

2. Do not take Tarlakquill's name in vain.

3. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

4. Never think about eukaryotes.

5. Never wear jumpers.