Latlinquag is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, narcissistic yak.

Latlinquag created a photon nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Latlinquag, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Latlinquag, he will attempt to scare you with hail.

Latlinquag's most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Latlinquag's Holy Commandments

1. Never play with disobedient children.

2. Always make a point of helping unfortunate birds.

3. Do not listen to music.

4. Do not drink water in violet rooms.

5. Always obey Latlinquag's priests.