Timtettinig is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, idiotic swallow.

Timtettinig created humankind twelve years ago.

If you believe in Timtettinig, he will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Timtettinig, he will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Timtettinig's most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Timtettinig's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

2. Run away if eight ants approach from the east.

3. Never feed lots of figs to great tits while wearing violet trousers.

4. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Always make a point of helping unfortunate horses.