Tonshavhombus Tarpfigkin Wegdanratdav is a god.

She takes the form of a planet-sized, tranquil shark.

Tonshavhombus Tarpfigkin Wegdanratdav created the universe nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tonshavhombus Tarpfigkin Wegdanratdav, she will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Tonshavhombus Tarpfigkin Wegdanratdav, she will boil you in a big pot.

Tonshavhombus Tarpfigkin Wegdanratdav's most sacred site is Xtul in Mexico.

Tonshavhombus Tarpfigkin Wegdanratdav's Holy Commandments

1. Never hop in the presence of monkeys.

2. Do not stand on grass.

3. Frogs are not to be trusted.

4. Never talk about porpoises.

5. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.