Loopnuttnab is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely heavy, awe-inspiring dolphin.

Loopnuttnab created humankind eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Loopnuttnab, it will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Loopnuttnab, it will turn you into a giant snail.

Loopnuttnab's most sacred site is Rutalahti in Finland.

Loopnuttnab's Holy Commandments

1. Run away if five gulls approach from the north.

2. Manatees are unholy and should not be approached.

3. Never write about comets.

4. Never think about dark energy.

5. Never talk about the strong nuclear force near voles while wearing blue jumpers.