Shavciploptarg Dussbemnak is a god.

He takes the form of a gargantuan, unselfish capybara.

Shavciploptarg Dussbemnak created bats eight million years ago.

If you believe in Shavciploptarg Dussbemnak, he will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Shavciploptarg Dussbemnak, he will turn you into a worm.

Shavciploptarg Dussbemnak's most sacred site is Kirumampakkam in India.

Shavciploptarg Dussbemnak's Holy Commandments

1. Shavciploptarg Dussbemnak must be the most important thing in your life.

2. Never think about electromagnetism near eagles while wearing yellow stockings and balancing six silver spheres on your hands.

3. Never go into gray rooms.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Do not wear copper on your body.