Lapjenpog is a god.

It takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, proud squid.

Lapjenpog created light nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Lapjenpog, it will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Lapjenpog, it will send two she bears to sort you out.

Lapjenpog's most sacred site is Evol in France.

Lapjenpog's Holy Commandments

1. Always stare at clouds.

2. Never talk about seals.

3. Always help sick ants.

4. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Lapjenpog.

5. Feed all hungry dolphins.