Ingomintof is a god.

He takes the form of a very long, omniscient finch.

Ingomintof created oxygen three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Ingomintof, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Ingomintof, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Ingomintof's most sacred site is Ringford in Scotland.

Ingomintof's Holy Commandments

1. Never pour water over plants.

2. Never talk about solid mechanics near doves while wearing black boots and balancing five nickel spheres on your chest.

3. Never talk about swans.

4. Run away from mauve geese, for they are unholy.

5. Do not covet oxen.