Pibqueegflan is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, selfish guinea pig.

Pibqueegflan created Europe eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Pibqueegflan, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Pibqueegflan, he will attempt to scare you with strong winds.

Pibqueegflan's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Pibqueegflan's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about ultrasonics.

2. Erect a giant yellow sculpture of Pibqueegflan in the centre of the settlement.

3. Do not speak about grapes.

4. Never talk about squirrels.

5. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.