Appafflat is a god.

He takes the form of a galaxy-sized, ruthless mongoose.

Appafflat created everything that exists four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Appafflat, he will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Appafflat, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Appafflat's most sacred site is Romlund in Denmark.

Appafflat's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear black clothing.

2. Hide if seven swans approach from the south.

3. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

5. Never hurt great tits.