Quagcetgonstik is a god.

He takes the form of a five hundred metre long, astonishing wren.

Quagcetgonstik created Asia four billion years ago.

If you believe in Quagcetgonstik, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Quagcetgonstik, he will remove you from existence.

Quagcetgonstik's most sacred site is Rautio in Finland.

Quagcetgonstik's Holy Commandments

1. Hide if eight sharks approach from the north.

2. Always make a point of helping unfortunate foxes.

3. Always make sure there are no great tits in a building before entering it.

4. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

5. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.