Yartjenwot Matmetnul Tinbanhan is a god.

She takes the form of a slim, two-faced dove.

Yartjenwot Matmetnul Tinbanhan created a bottom quark two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Yartjenwot Matmetnul Tinbanhan, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Yartjenwot Matmetnul Tinbanhan, she will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Yartjenwot Matmetnul Tinbanhan's most sacred site is Issigeac in France.

Yartjenwot Matmetnul Tinbanhan's Holy Commandments

1. Never mention dolphins.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

3. Never go into blue rooms.

4. Always wear mauve.

5. Never think ill of sick snakes.