Wotquamdib is a god.

He takes the form of a three hundred metre long, all-knowing narwhal.

Wotquamdib created the Small Magellanic Cloud six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Wotquamdib, he will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Wotquamdib, he will refuse to believe in you.

Wotquamdib's most sacred site is Romlund in Denmark.

Wotquamdib's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about quantum gravity near tortoises while wearing pink jumpers.

2. Never pour water over plants.

3. Fast once a month.

4. You must pray to Wotquamdib three times a day.

5. Do not make images of living things.