Bapsognigzed is a god.

He takes the form of a rotund, boastful meerkat.

Bapsognigzed created humankind four billion years ago.

If you believe in Bapsognigzed, he will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Bapsognigzed, he will curse you with boils.

Bapsognigzed's most sacred site is Brechfa in Wales.

Bapsognigzed's Holy Commandments

1. Always help sick doves.

2. Do not keep seven nematodes in a large pit.

3. Erect a giant purple sculpture of Bapsognigzed in the centre of the settlement.

4. Do not chop down trees.

5. Never write about chromosomes.