Quagbatzimyimvankopmad Goffigstip is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly fat, clever pigeon.

Quagbatzimyimvankopmad Goffigstip created Asia seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Quagbatzimyimvankopmad Goffigstip, it will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Quagbatzimyimvankopmad Goffigstip, it will curse you and those you beget for all time.

Quagbatzimyimvankopmad Goffigstip's most sacred site is Úbeda in Spain.

Quagbatzimyimvankopmad Goffigstip's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about planets.

2. Always take life seriously.

3. Retreat if six goats approach from the north.

4. Never talk about archaea.

5. Worship no other gods but Quagbatzimyimvankopmad Goffigstip.