Ontciddum is a god.

She takes the form of a three hundred metre long, temperamental mole.

Ontciddum created everything that exists two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Ontciddum, she will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Ontciddum, she will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Ontciddum's most sacred site is Temmes in Finland.

Ontciddum's Holy Commandments

1. Always make a point of helping unfortunate swans.

2. Never look in ponds.

3. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

4. Never wear yellow dresses.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.