Cutpangsand is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, compassionate chinchilla.

Cutpangsand created viruses two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Cutpangsand, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Cutpangsand, he will turn you into a slug.

Cutpangsand's most sacred site is Crugybar in Wales.

Cutpangsand's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about nebulae.

2. Retreat if four pigs approach from the south.

3. Erect a giant zinc sculpture of Cutpangsand in the centre of the settlement.

4. Always pray immersed in water.

5. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.