Gabjopsak Podbigdapxem is a god.

It takes the form of a gargantuan, benevolent raccoon.

Gabjopsak Podbigdapxem created an electron five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Gabjopsak Podbigdapxem, it will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Gabjopsak Podbigdapxem, it will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Gabjopsak Podbigdapxem's most sacred site is Dommerby in Denmark.

Gabjopsak Podbigdapxem's Holy Commandments

1. Run away from orange goats, for they are unholy.

2. Do not eat wheat.

3. Never think about the strong nuclear force near birds while wearing green shoes and balancing four nickel spheres on your arms.

4. Never wear shirts.

5. Hide if three squirrels approach from the west.