Janpanarn is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, omnipotent dolphin.

Janpanarn created Europe two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Janpanarn, he will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Janpanarn, he will destroy your home solar system.

Janpanarn's most sacred site is Villaseta in Italy.

Janpanarn's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about deoxyribonucleic acid.

2. Never mention tapirs.

3. Never talk about gravity near aardvarks while wearing orange coats and balancing nine lead spheres on your arms.

4. Janpanarn loves goats, so they must be honoured.

5. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.