Dabvonkjad is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly fat, merciless bat.

Dabvonkjad created vertebrates two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Dabvonkjad, it will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Dabvonkjad, it will attempt to scare you with lightening.

Dabvonkjad's most sacred site is Rutalahti in Finland.

Dabvonkjad's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray immersed in water.

2. Never play with disobedient children.

3. Never write about solid mechanics.

4. Never hurt eagles.

5. Always make a point of helping unfortunate porpoises.