Bap is a god.

It takes the form of a small, two-faced fly.

Bap created a strange quark eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bap, it will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Bap, it will attempt to scare you with earthquakes.

Bap's most sacred site is Aimala in Finland.

Bap's Holy Commandments

1. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

2. Always treat turtles with great respect.

3. Never wear white dresses.

4. Never chant in holy places.

5. Never jump in the presence of monkeys.