Tamwegnat is a god.

It takes the form of a heavy, idiotic badger.

Tamwegnat created the planet Venus three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tamwegnat, it will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Tamwegnat, it will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Tamwegnat's most sacred site is Panormos in Greece.

Tamwegnat's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed limes to great tits while wearing shoes.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Tamwegnat.

3. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

4. Never go into gray rooms.

5. Always make a point of helping unfortunate otters.