Lapyokcap is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, narcissistic owl.

Lapyokcap created the Whirlpool Galaxy three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Lapyokcap, he will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Lapyokcap, he will destroy your favourite star.

Lapyokcap's most sacred site is Kauvatsa in Finland.

Lapyokcap's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about optics near pigs while wearing blue kilts and balancing three silicon spheres on your feet.

2. Never write about chromosomes.

3. Never play with disobedient children.

4. Do not shave your neck.

5. Never paint your arms red.