Fetsatvil is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely large, humane clam.

Fetsatvil created Asia eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Fetsatvil, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Fetsatvil, he will manifest in front of you.

Fetsatvil's most sacred site is Aimala in Finland.

Fetsatvil's Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Fetsatvil seven times a day.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Fetsatvil.

3. Fetsatvil loves tortoises, so they must be respected.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

5. Do not chop down trees.