Bitvogban Gabhuntif is a god.

She takes the form of a large, awesome gorilla.

Bitvogban Gabhuntif created the Milkyway six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bitvogban Gabhuntif, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Bitvogban Gabhuntif, she will turn you into a slug.

Bitvogban Gabhuntif's most sacred site is Poloka in Botswana.

Bitvogban Gabhuntif's Holy Commandments

1. Learn eight new languages a year.

2. Do not cook food in pots.

3. Look mercifully on unfortunate aardvarks.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of iron.

5. Never feed lots of pineapples to tortoises while wearing white rings.