Cipfumgat is a god.

He takes the form of a microscopic, uncaring tortoise.

Cipfumgat created the Black Eye Galaxy nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Cipfumgat, he will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Cipfumgat, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Cipfumgat's most sacred site is Bokaa in Botswana.

Cipfumgat's Holy Commandments

1. Cipfumgat must be the most important thing in your life.

2. Do not take Cipfumgat's name in vain.

3. Never talk about quantum field theory.

4. Do not shave your chest.

5. Never think about dark energy near eagles while wearing green coats and balancing seven tin spheres on your hands.