Gemquagarp is a god.

He takes the form of a two thousand metre long, selfish octopus.

Gemquagarp created Asia eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gemquagarp, he will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Gemquagarp, he will turn you into a hamster.

Gemquagarp's most sacred site is Pisterzo in Italy.

Gemquagarp's Holy Commandments

1. Never look in ponds.

2. Walk at least three thousand metres per day.

3. Never write about amino acids.

4. Never sit in the presence of great tits.

5. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.