Quamcimlarn is a god.

It takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, unthoughtful hedgehog.

Quamcimlarn created gold six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Quamcimlarn, it will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Quamcimlarn, it will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Quamcimlarn's most sacred site is Olmarch in Wales.

Quamcimlarn's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about quantum gravity near horses while wearing violet boots.

2. Never paint your hands mauve.

3. You must never eat melons.

4. Quamcimlarn must be the most important thing in your life.

5. Never talk about enzymes.