Lapqueeghig is a god.

He takes the form of a three thousand metre long, intelligent troll.

Lapqueeghig created a strange quark four years ago.

If you believe in Lapqueeghig, he will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Lapqueeghig, he will cry a lot.

Lapqueeghig's most sacred site is Gulval in England.

Lapqueeghig's Holy Commandments

1. Do not fashion models of living things.

2. Never eat figs.

3. Horses are not to be trusted.

4. Lapqueeghig must be the most important thing in your life.

5. Never think about ultrasonics near pigs while wearing yellow scarves and balancing eight titanium spheres on your back.