Somsasdonhiv is a god.

She takes the form of a two thousand metre long, omniscient octopus.

Somsasdonhiv created tapeworms two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Somsasdonhiv, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Somsasdonhiv, she will turn you into a tree.

Somsasdonhiv's most sacred site is Sirama in Madagascar.

Somsasdonhiv's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed apples to nematodes while wearing gray coats.

2. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

3. Erect a giant titanium sculpture of Somsasdonhiv in the centre of the settlement.

4. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

5. Pray towards the north.