Gesstalpop is a god.

He takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, calm armadillo.

Gesstalpop created life six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gesstalpop, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Gesstalpop, he will turn you into a plant.

Gesstalpop's most sacred site is Kerris in England.

Gesstalpop's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Gesstalpop.

3. Do not shave your neck.

4. Never play with disobedient children.

5. Never talk about the strong nuclear force near manatees while wearing gray trousers.