Gepzanbig is a god.

She takes the form of a three hundred metre long, witty beaver.

Gepzanbig created the planet Venus two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Gepzanbig, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Gepzanbig, she will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Gepzanbig's most sacred site is Skive in Denmark.

Gepzanbig's Holy Commandments

1. Never look at moons.

2. Grasshopers are not to be trusted.

3. Do not make images of living things.

4. Learn six new languages a year.

5. Never feed nuts to tapirs while wearing hats.