Flatmatgum is a god.

It takes the form of a planet-sized, self-assured dingo.

Flatmatgum created oxygen four million years ago.

If you believe in Flatmatgum, it will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Flatmatgum, it will turn you into an amoeba.

Flatmatgum's most sacred site is Kauvatsa in Finland.

Flatmatgum's Holy Commandments

1. Always take life seriously.

2. Always pray in complete darkness.

3. Never think about moons.

4. Retreat if five ducks approach from the south.

5. Never hurt great tits.
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