Bapwotwipzed is a god.

He takes the form of an one thousand metre long, unsympathetic mink.

Bapwotwipzed created dark matter eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Bapwotwipzed, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Bapwotwipzed, he will jump up and down on your head.

Bapwotwipzed's most sacred site is Makopong in Botswana.

Bapwotwipzed's Holy Commandments

1. Always obey Bapwotwipzed's priests.

2. You must never eat pineapples.

3. Learn four new languages a year.

4. Always pray in complete darkness.

5. Do not drink alcohol.