Janparkvid is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely thin, fussy frog.

Janparkvid created the Small Magellanic Cloud four billion years ago.

If you believe in Janparkvid, she will approve.

If you do not believe in Janparkvid, she will try to impress you with rainbows.

Janparkvid's most sacred site is Glastonbury Tor in England.

Janparkvid's Holy Commandments

1. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Janparkvid.

2. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

3. Retreat if three frogs approach from the north.

4. Never talk about special relativity.

5. Never pour water over plants.