Bidbetdibhot is a god.

He takes the form of a slender, selfish narwhal.

Bidbetdibhot created gold five billion years ago.

If you believe in Bidbetdibhot, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Bidbetdibhot, he will turn you into a puffin.

Bidbetdibhot's most sacred site is Dornbock in Germany.

Bidbetdibhot's Holy Commandments

1. Never play with disobedient children.

2. Never feed oranges to snails while wearing mauve ear rings.

3. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Bidbetdibhot.

4. Dolphins are unholy and should not be approached.

5. Run away from yellow seals, for they are unholy.