Yarlnig is a god.

It takes the form of a five thousand metre long, happy seal.

Yarlnig created a charm quark seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Yarlnig, it will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Yarlnig, it will turn you into a snail.

Yarlnig's most sacred site is Qangwa in Botswana.

Yarlnig's Holy Commandments

1. Porpoises are unholy and should not be approached.

2. Never mention mites.

3. Never write about eukaryotes.

4. Do not fashion models of living things.

5. Do not hurt snakes.