Bamponhat Nighigtonk is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, humane fish.

Bamponhat Nighigtonk created life eight million years ago.

If you believe in Bamponhat Nighigtonk, he will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Bamponhat Nighigtonk, he will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Bamponhat Nighigtonk's most sacred site is Snipp in Sweden.

Bamponhat Nighigtonk's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink alcohol.

2. Never eat bark.

3. Draw representations of comets on the walls of your dwelling place.

4. Always treat dogs with great respect.

5. Always make sure there are no goats in a building before entering it.