Habkapcat is a god.

He takes the form of a gargantuan, irritating pig.

Habkapcat created a top quark seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Habkapcat, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Habkapcat, he will attempt to scare you with strong winds.

Habkapcat's most sacred site is Cobbel in Germany.

Habkapcat's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no dogs in a building before entering it.

2. Do not drink alcohol.

3. Do not stand on grass.

4. Do not cook food in pots.

5. Never feed lots of rice to sharks while wearing white stockings.