Kemlitstik is a god.

She takes the form of a very heavy, unsympathetic hamster.

Kemlitstik created everything that exists eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Kemlitstik, she will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Kemlitstik, she will turn you into a snail.

Kemlitstik's most sacred site is Minnigaff in Scotland.

Kemlitstik's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about moons.

2. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

3. Do not take Kemlitstik's name in vain.

4. Never think about thermodynamics near geese while wearing cyan coats and balancing seven gold spheres on your arms.

5. Pray towards the north.