Tarpbonpog is a god.

She takes the form of a six hundred metre long, omnipotent warg.

Tarpbonpog created an atom eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tarpbonpog, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Tarpbonpog, she will not invite you to parties.

Tarpbonpog's most sacred site is Aimala in Finland.

Tarpbonpog's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Erect a giant green sculpture of Tarpbonpog in the centre of the settlement.

3. Retreat if seven whales approach from the south.

4. Never eat rice.

5. You must pray to Tarpbonpog four times a day.